


Love and Light

by Strangerthingsprobably



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Christmas Lights, Fear, Flashbacks, Gen, Mileven, Siblings, cause i cant get enough, jopper if you squint, joyce is a great mom, just a lil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 16:59:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10469832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strangerthingsprobably/pseuds/Strangerthingsprobably
Summary: Eleven has been living with The Byers' and finally has a room of her own. She has never been more excited, but fear seems to always be right around the corner.





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to just be a little headcanon about El hanging fairy lights in her room and then I went overboard.

When El finally got her own bedroom after moving in with the Byers, she was incredulous, surprised that she could have anything of her own. Everything she had received outside of the lab thus far was borrowed; Nancy's dress, Mike's watch, Hopper's shirt. She entirely overlooked the concept of ownership. So when Joyce proceeded to tell the small girl that she could decorate said room however her little heart desired, she was over the moon.

A room— or anything of her own— wasn’t something she was used to. Sure, she had a bedroom in the lab, if one could even call it that. It’s sterile white walls with their looming steel doors were cold and unforgiving. It just wasn’t the type of place most people thought of when they hear the word _home_.

The walls there had eyes and ears and she knew it. Someone was always watching. Men and women came and went as they pleased poking and prodding at her with instruments and reading data from machines. More than once, she was awoken by Papa in the earliest hours in the morning (or so it felt considering she had no sense of time in the compound) for especially difficult tests and assignments as well.

The simple decorations, a purple flower Papa had given her, and a picture she drew of them together did nothing to calm her nerves at the idea of being under constant vigilance.

In contrast, the newly painted Byers household was always warm and inviting. Despite it’s charred and stained carpet, the imperfections in the house proved a family had grown together there and that was something El yearned for.

She now considered home to be the smell of cigarettes and syrup from morning breakfast that never seemed to fade, but she didn’t mind. To her, it became a familiar scent of safety and comfort. She couldn’t wait for that smell to seep into her new sheets.


	2. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joyce and El are out shopping for furniture and decorations for her new room, but it gets to be a little too much.

The pair spent the entire weekend in different department stores searching for furniture and items that made El feel at home. These objects ranged from things she deemed pretty, such as her new comforter with it’s cotton candy colored patchwork, to things she and the boys enjoyed. They had just shown her Star Wars for the first time earlier that week and when she saw a poster with Han and Leia together she begged Joyce for it.

Upon hearing the news of the remodel, Nancy even scoured the basement in search of her old desk while Joyce and El were out. She and Jonathan repainted it together. They chose a soft cream color and even attached a makeshift vanity mirror to it, per Nancy’s request. (She was so excited to have a “sister” that she could hangout with and teach things like study tips and makeup).

However, despite El’s eagerness to venture into the world and go shopping, it was also difficult for the formerly isolated girl to choose from so many options. Not only did she encounter a dizzying amount of choice and free will, she still didn't know what a lot of the furniture and decorations were for.

She knew a lamp would provide light and that a bed was for sleeping in and that they came in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but why did she need a dresser if she had a closet? What use did she have for a small table to put next to the bed? She had no idea there was even a possibility of her using more than one drawer to store her belongings. 

Slowly, these questions started to weigh down on her shoulders. Luckily, she was getting more comfortable with asking people other than Mike about the world around her.

Joyce was one of those people. She always answered El’s questions warmly and today was no exception. When Eleven asked her about even the most trivial things, such as why some of the boxes she investigated played music when they opened, Joyce was happy to explain. 

Joyce always paused between new concepts so that El could take in all the new information. Sometimes she even used bigger words to challenge the girl, but not enough to confuse her more. The experienced mother knew Eleven was bright and she felt it was her duty to help El realize how wonderful she really was.

However, El began feeling overwhelmed near the end of their stint in furniture store, but tried to put on a stoic face as to not worry the older woman. But, as a single mother of two sensitive boys and now one formerly abused, telepathic girl, Joyce was extremely attentive to changes in her children’s behavior. 

The quiet girl was being even quieter than usual after her barrage of questions. When she hadn’t looked up from her shoes after five minutes, Joyce decided to intervene. She knelt down to eye level with the girl and gently placed her hands on El’s shoulders. El relaxed slightly at her mother’s touch and gazed at her, a gentle expression on the woman’s face.

“Y’know what, sweetie, I’m feeling kind of hungry. What about you?” Joyce asked.

El, though unsure why Joyce had such a sudden change in disposition nodded her head and grinned. And truth be told, El wasn’t even sure they were done shopping, but she was secretly grateful for the escape.

“Great!” Joyce chirped. Then an idea dawned on her. “I just have to make a quick phone call.”

Earlier, Joyce had been adamant about getting all the shopping done early today so they would have the rest of the night to set up the furniture and decorate her room. Seeing the toll the day was taking on El, though, changed her mind. 

She asked El to wait by the car while she dialed up Hopper at the payphone. He picked up after three rings, his voice gruff from just waking up.

“Hop, it’s Joyce,” she stated.

“Yeah, Joyce, what’s up?” He coughed out.

“El and I were here at the furniture store and she started getting a little overwhelmed so I thought maybe we’d go get something to eat,” her words fast.

“Okay…” he paused thinking she would continue. She didn’t so he bit, “what does that have to do with me?”

“Well, I was thinking maybe we could walk to the diner down the block and you could wrangle up the boys and Jonathan and Nancy and you guys could take my car and start setting up El’s room?” She shut her eyes tight as her voice got higher with anticipation, knowing it was a large request. She screwed up her face as if the police chief could see it and it would somehow bend his will. Her eyes shut and mouth pursed in hoping he would agree.

Hopper sighed into his just-lit cigarette and ran a hand through his receding hair, taking an unnecessary moment to mull it over. He already knew his answer; of course he was going to do it. That little girl helped save Hawkins. The least he could do was set up a damn bed.

“Keep the key in the visor,” he said before hanging up.


	3. The Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> El wonders why everyone is standing in the living room grinning at her.

When the mother-daughter duo returned home early in the evening, El, refreshed after taking a break for fries and a milkshake was once again abuzz with excitement. Of course, she hadn’t known that Hopper had picked up the bed and other furniture from the shop in his Blazer and set everything up with the help of the boys. She also hadn’t noticed that the car had moved one space to the left of their original parking spot when Jonathan and Nancy secretly returned it after dropping off the rest of her room decorations.

El was anxious to help Joyce unload the trunk, but to her dismay, the small woman headed straight for the door claiming she wanted Jonathan and Will to also help unload the car. El followed Joyce reluctantly to the porch. When the door opened, El was surprised to see her friends standing amongst eachother in the living room grinning at one another. As she stepped over the threshold, all eyes were on her

Hopper, Nancy, and Jonathan were standing near the couch, their conversation cut short by the girl’s return. Hop put his cigarette out as soon as he saw them, secretly excited to watch El’s reaction to the surprise they had in store. Nancy gave a slight wave and shy smile, and Jonathan stood, camera in hand, of course, flashing her a proud smirk.

The boys huddled in the opposite corner of the living room grinning at her as well. Will tried to hide his eagerness through a crooked smile, but his teeth began to show anyway. Lucas stood next to him, his eyes lighting up upon her arrival. Dustin, of course, crinkle-eyed and toothless as ever, could barely contain his excitement. And then there was Mike, whom, after making eye contact, immediately started to investigate the floor, a blush creeping up his neck and flushing his cheeks.

El was glad to see them, but also confused. She didn’t think there were any holidays today. Someone would have told her if they were celebrating something so that she would be prepared. She knew everyone’s birthday now as well and no one had one anytime soon.

She turned to Joyce, seeking explanation. As if on cue, the boys began speaking up in a flurry of quips and jabs.

Dustin’s loud voice rang over the other boys first. “Finally, you’re home! We’ve been waiting forever!” He laughed.

“Yeah, El. How long does it take to pick out a damn comforter?” Lucas teased.

Mike spoke up now to reassure her that she did nothing wrong even though El had gotten used to their banter and knew better by now.  


“That new Indiana Jones movie came out last week and we thought maybe you and Will would wanna go see it with us.” He paused, unsure if she knew what movie they were talking about. “It’s that one with Harrison Ford in it. The same guy who plays Han Solo in Star Wars.”

El nodded eagerly. She loved going to movies with the boys. The theater made her feel like she was in another world experiencing adventures she knew Hawkins couldn’t offer her. Movies also meant two hours of popcorn, Mike leaning in close to explain things to her in hushed tones, which always made her blush for some reason, and Dustin and Lucas inevitably bickering as soon as the credits roll. 

But then it dawned on her; it was Sunday. There was no way they would be allowed out this late on a school night. It was already almost eight o’clock and the boys would have to bike home soon.

She returned her attention to Joyce who had made her way to Hopper’s side. Joyce looked down at her and smiled, catching on to the boys’ plan. It was evident Mike had fabricated a convincing story that explained their being there. There was no need to explain Nancy or Hopper’s presence as they were regulars at the house anyway and they obviously didn’t have the same curfew rules.

“Well, maybe just this one time… as long as your parents are okay with it,” she stated, eyeing the boys. They all nodded in agreement.

“They already called and asked since we weren’t sure when you would be home,” Will offered.

Joyce grinned at the resourcefulness of her youngest son and looked at El. “You guys can catch the final showing tonight but only if you grab a jacket. It still gets a bit chilly at night and with you guys riding your bikes…” she trailed off.

The group let out a small cheer and thanked Mrs. Byers profusely, selling the point. El smiled and thanked Joyce as well before rushing to get a familiar navy windbreaker from her closet. The group surged forward and followed her down the narrow hall quietly, trying not to be suspicious in the tight space. 

Everyone held a collective breath as El opened her door and took a few tentative steps into the room. The group huddled in the doorway watching their friend react to something that was finally her own. Joyce had put Hopper’s arm in a vice grip in anticipation.


	4. El's Room

El’s jaw had dropped upon seeing the remodel. Jonathan wormed his way through the throng of people so that he could get some shots in of her expression. She may not be the best with words, but this had left her a different type of speechless. 

What used to be a drab room with off-white walls and a solid comforter became a mishmash of pastel colors, furniture that didn’t quite seem to match, and knick knacks they had picked up that day, such as action figures and a few stuffed animals. Her bed was centered against the wall so that the foot of it faced the window. The other walls were no longer bare, instead decorated with her few posters and some drawings Will had given her in the past. 

Perhaps her favorite part, though, was the hand-me-down vanity that sat next to the door. To her, it was beautiful. On the vanity sat a small makeup kit, courtesy of Nancy, and a few polaroids of the people she held dear taped up to the mirror. Immediately, she was taken back to the moment she stepped out of The Wheeler's bathroom over a year ago and examined herself in the mirror, feeling pretty for the first time ever.  


Back in the present, she spun slowly in a circle trying to memorize every detail as if the memory may disappear. She feared forgetting the feeling of warmth that spread throughout her chest.

A room of her own, with no fear of two-way mirrors, no surveillance, and no threat of experiments was not something she took lightly. She adored her fort Mike had rebuilt for her in his basement and everyone knew it was hers. The fort was one of the first forms of kindness she experienced outside of the lab, but it simply wasn't the same as having an entire room to herself. And of course, the couch at the Byers' was comfortable, but it wasn't the same as a real bed.

Joyce took a tentative step forward, squeezing past the mass of bodies.

“Now listen,” her voice soft but adamant, “I know this is your room and we kind of put everything up and decorated it without asking, but I saw how overwhelmed you got at the store and I just thought this might be a nice surprise, y’know? It would be a whole let less work on our part.” She winked a thank you at Hopper and returned her attention to El. “I mean, if you don’t like where they put stuff we can always move and rearrange it…” Her voice trailed off wondering if what she was saying even mattered as the girl hadn’t reacted to her voice.

El turned around fully now, facing everyone, beaming. “It’s perfect,” she whispered as she leaped into Joyce’s arms. Tiny tears of joy spilled over her cheek. The group in the hallway let out a collective breath before squeezing into the room to join in the hug. 

After a few moments, however, she pulled away and looked to everyone surrounding her. Her eyes found Mike’s and her forehead creased. “Wait,” she paused, “what about movie?”


	5. Couldn't Sleep

El didn’t sleep a wink that night. It wasn’t until the early hours of the morning, when the first light of dawn filtered through the divides in her blinds, did she feel safe enough to shut her tired eyes. But her rest was short lived when Jonathan came into her room two hours later.

Even though El didn’t attend school with the boys yet, she still woke up with everyone else, enjoying the Byers’ morning routine and company. Her older brother sat at the foot of her bed and whispered to her until she stirred, knowing better than to touch her when she’s not fully conscious. (He learned that the hard way after being thrown out into the hall by an unseen force in her first week living with them). When she began to stir, he patted her leg and returned to the kitchen.

The heavy-eyed girl shuffled out of her room like the dead walking, socked feet dragging her to the kitchen. Will was already at the table quietly humming to himself as he read a schoolbook. Jonathan returned to his place at the stove to continue scrambling eggs and toasting Egos. Joyce was skittering about the house looking for her “misplaced” name tag. Everything seemed to be in perfect chaotic order except for Eleven who slumped into her seat next to Will, eyes barely open and half her pixie length hair sticking up.

The adrenaline rush from fear and lack of sleep last night had left her so exhausted she didn’t even feel guilty when she groaned in response to Joyce's scatter-brained good morning. 

Finally, after another five minutes that felt like eons, the whole family was seated. Together, the Byers shared a look concerning sleeping beauty who sloppily piled forkfuls of waffle into her mouth without even opening her eyes. Their eyes darted from one person to the other, curiosity growing on their faces. Will, the ever-mindful brother, was the first to speak. 

“El?” Her eyes opened slightly at her name. “Are you okay? You don’t look very well.” His voice laced with concern.

El simply rocked her head up and down, lazily chewing her breakfast.

Jonathan raised an eyebrow at Joyce who was already leaning over the table to put a hand on her daughter’s forehead. No fever, but her face was pale and her head bobbed in and out of sleep despite the fresh plate of her favorite Eggos, now a quarter missing, in front of her.

“El, honey, how did you sleep last night?” Joyce wondered if she had even slept at all.

Despite the shame she felt for her fear, she answered honestly. One, because she knew lying was wrong and her mom just wanted to help. And two, she was too sleepy to try avoiding the question. 

"Didn't sleep," she mumbled, eyes open fully now. "Couldn't."

"Why not? Did you have a bad dream?" She was going to continue in trying to reassure El that if there were nightmares she couldn't face she was more than welcome in the safety comfort of Joyce's bed, but stopped herself when El shook her head. 

"Dark," she whispered, a somber tone beginning to take hold of her voice. 

The boys looked at each other confused. El had been in the dark before. The movies, late night rides home from The Wheelers. It's not like when El was sleeping on the couch they left lights on either. They simply couldn't afford to leave on lamps or anything if they're not being used. And the few times she crept into bed with Joyce there hadn't been a night light either.

Then it dawned on them; she was never alone while she was in the dark. She always had the boys, or Joyce, or even Chester to keep her company. The boys gave each other a knowing look. It was Jonathan who spoke up first.

"Are... are you afraid of the dark, El?" He mumbled. He knew it well, the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that stifled the air late at night, but perhaps he didn't know it like his siblings did. 

El’s voice shook as she whispered. “Yes,” she breathed, avoiding eye contact as hot tears escaped to her cheeks. 

Jonathan outstretched a hand to place on El's. "Y'know, I used to be afraid of the dark, too. It's nothing to be ashamed of," he smiled gently. 

Will took the opportunity to mimic his brother and placed his tiny palm on top of her other hand as well. "Yeah, I was too. Especially after that week. I spent almost every night in mom's room after I got out of the hospital," he paused to smile at his sister, hoping their stories could help her somehow. "Sometimes I still get a little freaked out," he shivered, looking down, "but most people grow out of it just like Jonathan did."

Joyce grinned to herself, proud of her boys for taking such good care of this girl who hadn’t even existed to them, or anyone outside Hawkins National Laboratory, a year ago.

“I think everyone has fears that seem irrational or silly,” Joyce picked up the conversation, “but that doesn’t make them not scary to us. Even I’m scared of things like losing you guys or the phone shocking me again. Chief Hopper is scared of stuff too.” El giggled at that. The thought of The Chief being afraid of something so trivial like snakes or spiders just seemed so bizarre.

Joyce continued. “But it’s how we deal with our fears that matter.” She had been speaking to the table, but now turned her attention specifically to El. “There’s always something out there that’s going to be scary. There’s no need to be ashamed of it because I bet there’s millions of other people that are scared of the exact same thing.”

She lightly tapped El on the nose signaling the end of her little speech, hoping maybe it would lighten the mood. El grinned and looked back down at her plate of Eggos.

“Why don’t you go on back to bed and I’ll come back on my lunch break to check on you?” Joyce suggested.

El nodded at her mom’s idea, eager to return to bed, but not before giving every one of them a big hug to show them how grateful she was for their love and support.


	6. Fairies and Constellations

Her heart felt full as she sank into the fluffy mattress and snuggled deep under the covers. Sleep overtook her faster than she thought and she hadn’t stirred until her brothers got home a little after 3:15. Jonathan had turned on a new mixtape to show Will, not knowing Eleven was still asleep just a room away. When she awoke, however, she was marveled. 

Strung up around El’s room were dozens of Christmas lights in all the different colors. There was even a an entire string that went around made up of completely white bulbs. But these lights different from the ones that snaked through the house during the week of November 6, 1983. Joyce had gotten rid of those, exchanging them for smaller, pointier lights to hang up that Christmas. The old kind were just too painful of a reminder to bear for everyone during what should be a cheerful holiday.

She always thought they were the most spectacular thing, though, those Christmas lights. When she found herself surrounded by hundreds of them her first time at the Byers' house, despite the circumstances under which they were hung, she couldn’t help but feel electric when she saw the multitude of colors and how they danced along the walls. It was like magic, something Will had taught her plenty about, most of the time in The Wheeler’s basement after a campaign when they were the last two up.

She got out of bed and stretched, finally feeling rested after such a stressful night. She climbed on top of her bed to get a better look at the twinkling colors and smiled to herself. Pretty, she thought.

Outside, El heard the front door open and shut with the familiar sound of Joyce’s keys jingling as she set her purse down on the kitchen table. This was immediately followed by fast footsteps and Joyce hissing at her sons to turn down their music. Jonathan defended them by claiming they didn’t know El was asleep but that they were sorry.

Moments later, there was a soft rapping at the door and Joyce peeked her head in. 

“Oh, you’re up! I hope the boys didn’t wake you…” she trailed off.

“No,” she claimed, sitting down cross-legged on her bed. It wasn’t technically a lie. She was drifting into some sort of consciousness when the boys got home. The music just got her there faster.

Joyce stepped into the room and sat next to her on the bed. “Do you like them? I thought they might be better than just a boring night light. This way, you won’t have to sleep in the complete dark. Plus they’re prettier to look at,” she grinned, putting an arm around El’s shoulder pulling her close.

El’s heart fluttered at the affection. “Very pretty,” she responded, looking up again in awe. 

“I think the white one’s look like stars. Like having outer space in your own room, but some people call them fairy lights because they look like fairies dancing. Did you know that?”

“No! I didn’t!” El exclaimed. “I like stars, but I like fairies too,” she stated, sinking further into her mother’s embrace.

Mike had told her about fairies once after a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. They weren’t the same type of fairy that Troy had called Will. She knew that was bad and that saying it made you a mouth breather.

The kind Mike talked about, however, were good. He said they were like tiny spirits that sometimes lived in the woods or other places and had magical powers that could help people. But he didn’t tell her they twinkle like Christmas lights.

The idea of fairies in her room, real or not, made her giddy. It was like she had her own personal protectors among a room of constellations to ward off the bad in her life. The bad men, the bad dreams, the monsters.

Maybe, just maybe she could finally rest easy.


	7. Love and Light

As El changed over the years, so did her room. She was always re-arranging furniture and collecting all sorts of odds and ends.The movie posters that hung in middle school were frequently replaced with newer ones with depictions of her favorite movie scenes or rockstars Jonathan had shown her.

Her vanity now held a broad selection of makeup, though she really only used it for special occasions. Newer photos of her family and friends were added to the mirror all the time. Drawings Will gave to her over the years were swapped out with newer ones he gifted her every few months, but she secretly kept every one in a special box under her bed because she cherished these small gifts from her brother. Same with photos Jonathan would send her from NYU.

Once she was admitted to school, she also became quite the bookworm, devouring anything with words printed on it. Her book shelf was so full that some novels even sat horizontal, or were stacked off to the side. It, was an organized mess, one that only she could navigate, but she liked it that way. 

At some point, Eleven even obtained Officer Callahan’s deputy hat after winning a game of cards at one of the station’s holiday parties. She wore it for Halloween the next year when she dressed up as Chief Hopper. It held a special place high up on one of her shelves.

While El's fear of the dark did diminish over time, it never went away completely. Thus, one thing in her room had always remained the same; the fairy lights. 

To her, they were even better than the glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars Dustin got her after she witnessed her first meteor shower.

Those little lights were a symbol of freedom and belonging to her. They represented the infinite amount of stars outside her window that reached out into all sorts of beyond, stretching across a world she had never known. They made her feel safe and protected when everything got to be too much. While it wasn’t the same as the solace of another person with her, or a stuffed animal to cuddle, at least it was something.

And so, every night, as she drifted to sleep, she would take one last glance at the lights that bordered her walls and thought that no matter how many stars, no matter how many universes were out there, this was exactly where she belonged.


End file.
